How to Let Go of What You Can’t Control: 3 Stoic Principles
Words to live by.
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Inevitably, life tends to throw us a curveball. For some, these “unfortunate” circumstances happen on an almost constant basis, battering us to our knees until we can’t take it anymore. But they don’t have to.
Yes, it’s tough when you lose your job, your business fails, you get into a fender-bender etc… and it’s easy to react with frustration and anger. But I’m here to tell you that reacting negatively gets you nowhere and that it’s beneficial for you to choose how you respond to those situations.
Because those situations are out of our control.
I’ve learned that the hard way after suffering my own career setback. I went deep diving into the ancient philosophy of Stoicism where at its core, emphasizes focusing on what you can control: your thoughts, actions and response to situations. Conversely, it means letting go of things outside of your control.
In this blog post, I’ll discuss three tips that’ll help you let go of circumstances outside your sphere of influence.
Focus on What is Up to You
Think, “It Is, What It Is”
Detach from Outcomes
1. Focus on what you can Control
The Stoics believed that the key to peace lies within distinguishing between what’s in your control and what isn’t.
Letting go of what you can’t control is such a difficult action to do since it requires enormous (mental) effort and constant reminders. However, once you get into the rhythm of doing it consistently, it is the most liberating feeling you’ll experience.
Epictetus was a former slave who became one of the most influential Stoic teachers, emphasizing the importance of focusing only on what is within our control. He stressed the power of mindset and the freedom that comes from accepting life’s challenges.
According to Stoic philosopher Epictetus, he said there are things that are up to us and things that are not up to us. What’s up to us are:
Your Thoughts
Your Actions
Your Responses
And anything external of those three, are things not up to us (things we can’t control). Things like external events, other people’s opinions (judgements) and outcomes. For example, someone cutting you off on the road. Frustrating? Yes. Can you do anything about it? No. You published a book but someone leaves a negative review. Does it sting? Yes. Can you do anything about that person or that review? No. That situation that happened in past. Does it hurt? Sure but can you do anything about what happened? No.
The Stoics reminds us that wasting energy on things outside our control is a recipe for a life filled with frustration. So, whenever “bad” things happen, Stoicism suggests to simply let it go.
2. It is, what it is
Marcus Aurelius, the former emperor of Rome, discusses plenty in his Meditations the idea of loving your fate, no matter what happens. Likewise, the Stoics implored that instead of resisting or resenting circumstances, we should embrace them as opportunities for growth.
When life hits us, we could sit around and curse the world for what happened. We could wish for a better life; a better job, a new house, a nice car, a better partner etc… Or, as the Stoics suggest, we can accept our reality, accept our fate, and choose to take the necessary steps to move forward. Basically, adopt the mindset of “It is, what it is.”
Marcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor and philosopher, best known for his personal writings in Meditations which offers insights into living with purpose and integrity.
I learned to focus on accepting responsibility for my actions and thoughts so that I can move forward with my life. Remember, life is ever-changing, and accepting things will not always go our way is a part of letting go. (Note: letting go doesn’t mean suppressing or ignoring our emotions but acknowledging them and choosing not to let those emotions control you!)
3. Detach from the OutcomeS
Another lesson I learned as a new indie-author, was to detach myself from the results. I had to learn I had no control over the reception of my debut novel The Last Guardians Of Atlantis. I couldn’t control whether readers would buy it or whether they’d like it or not. That’s not up to me.
Instead, I focused on what I could control and that is becoming a better writer. Tightening my prose, describing my characters more succinctly and building more immersive worlds.
Seneca was a Roman philosopher and statesman known for his practical wisdom on managing emotions and living a virtuous life. His letters and essays offer advice on resilience, simplicity, and the art of living well.
Detach yourself from the outcomes. Focus on doing your best in the present moment. When life throws an unpredictable curveball, respond to it like a Stoic would: by shrugging with a grin and uttering, “It is, what it is.”
What Now?
Remember, letting go isn’t about giving up but about reclaiming your power. As Ryan Holiday, founder of the Daily Stoic puts it, "The Stoics remind us that we don’t control the world around us, but we do control how we respond to it." By practicing these Stoic tips, you can cultivate inner peace and resilience, no matter what life throws your way.
Good luck reader, you got this!
Courtesy Ryan Holiday
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