How Stoicism helped me.
Stoicism is about what you can control, and being able to let go of things you can’t control.
So there I was walking along the Ottawa canal, wondering how my life ended up this way and where my life would go. I had just suffered a loss of my career, where I was charged for 'Simple Assault’ (assault isn’t ‘simple’ by all means but I was charged with the lowest category of the assault column). Basically, I shouldn’t have touched someone (I tickled a woman) and that was it. And yes you read that right, I was charged for tickling someone. Bottom line, don’t touch anyone without permission!
So, fearing my loss of my career, facing possible jail time if convicted, I wondered what could get me through this shocking time. Oddly, I wasn’t scared (more worried) and I wasn’t even angry (at the woman or at anything). I was more shocked because I never been in trouble with the law. Ever. I never interacted with police before, especially military police; never been to jail, never been in a courtroom (besides being subpoenaed as a witness) and never had a parking ticket. So, I was more like “what the hell” than I was “OMG my life is over!”
“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
So long story short, I had to hire a lawyer (expensive for me since I was in debt and living paycheck to paycheck), moved back home with my parents (to save money) and had to “resign” from a great career in the government. In the end, the charges were dropped, and I never went to jail. WHEW!
Back to my walk on the canal, I was listening to Lewis Howes and his podcast, “The Daily Motivation Show” (Spotify link). While being so engaged into one of his talks, especially the one with Jason Redman, (former Navy Seal about life ambushes and how to overcome them), I decided to buy both their books because I was so inspired by their talks. I was inspired to do take ACTION and do something in my life.
Former Navy Seal Jason Redman chats with Lewis Howes and discusses how his near-death moment on the battlefield changed his life forever. Check out this podcast because it will change how you look at life and it’ll make you feel inspired to take action!
The books arrived two-days later (I love Amazon) and I blazed through them. Reading through Redman’s book “Overcome”, and Howes’ “The Greatness Mindset” I caught a small glimpse into the world of Stoicism, and I wanted to know more. As if serendipitous, I was recommended by YouTube to watch one of Howes’ podcasts. Enter Ryan Holiday, and after watching that podcast, I had the urge to buy his book, “The Obstacle is the Way”, and it changed me forever.
Ryan Holiday writes,
“…obstacles are actually oppurtunities to test ourselves, to try new things, and, ultimately, to triumph. The Obstacle is the Way.” (p.10)
The book opened my eyes to what I was doing wrong in my life. Every obstacle I faced, I let the obstacle just tackle me over. I feared the obstacle, the adversity. Feared doing things that’ll cause judgement from others. Feared going out and doing the things I wanted because of failure. Fear of doing the work, fear of other people’s opinions, fear of what lies ahead etc. I would later find out in one of Holiday’s books “Ego is the Enemy”, that I was being clouded by my Ego, and I needed to control it.
“The Obstacle if the Way” was an introductory course to Stoicism, showing me how our obstacles are merely a matter of our judgements and perception. We control how we perceive these obstacles/setbacks, and that we can overcome any adversities life throws at us. The key is to take ACTION - tackle the obstacle head-on or find ways to circumvent it. Holiday urges the reader not to sit back and do nothing; he stresses the key point to life is taking direct, deliberate and controlled action towards accomplishing your goals and in this case, overcoming obstacles.
The Stoics had a way to deal with their life struggles and in three ways they did this:
Stoics were disciplined in how they looked at a specific problem. They controlled their judgements well (Perception).
Stoics took ACTION; actively taking steps to tackle the obstacle (Action).
Stoics persevered and endured the obstacle, cultivating a sense of fortitude and wisdom (Will).
I took these three steps to heart, and since my serious setback in June, I decided to take steps towards a new purpose in life. Day-by-day, step-by-step, action-by-action, I continued on my goal to becoming an author. And what was so intriguing and enlightening was ever since I became a student of Stoicism, I never really saw obstacles again. I never saw setbacks or at least I never perceived the bumps in the road as obstacles. I had learned to control my judgements and my ego, and saw things in a whole different light.
Stoicism showed me how we as people, have a choice on how we look at things. We have the free will to see the situation as negative, awful and life ending OR we can choose to change our perspective about the situation/event, therefore reducing how the obstacle appears. Of course, we can’t control or change the setback/failure that occurred but we control our viewpoint, our framing of it. With this in mind, we can see the opportunities within the bad.
“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength.”
And that’s how I saw my life-altering event. I saw the career-ending assault charge as merely a speedbump in the road of life. And I was determined to overcome it. I took actions, changed how I saw things, strived for my new purpose and now my life feels so good right now. Sure it could be better at the time of writing this (Feb. 7th, 2024), but I am near the end of my booking editing phase, and steps closer to self-publishing my very first novel!
Stoicism did this for me. Without learning about Stoicism (and about Lewis Howes and Jason Redman), I wouldn’t have learned to control my judgements and ego. I wouldn’t have learned to persist and resist in adversity. I wouldn’t have learned about being disciplined in my efforts, about keeping calm and still in the storms of life, and I certainly wouldn’t have learned about accepting things that happened and the things that’ll eventually occur (“Amor Fati” or ‘Love thy Fate’ as Holiday would say). Now I live without any regrets (“No ragrets” for anyone that understands the reference).
“NO RAGRETS” - Scottie P. from ‘We’re the Millers’
As you can see, I bought a bunch of Stoic books. (Mainly from Ryan Holiday. Thanks Ryan!)
I live knowing I can persist in my actions, day-by-day, and resist giving in to despair, discouragement or ego. So, if you ever feeling stuck in life or there’s a very big obstacle blocking your path, remember that it is only temporary and by being consistent in your actions to overcome that obstacle, eventually you’ll get over it. You’ll surpass the setback, and smile, knowing you made it.
And now I leave you with a quote from the ancient Roman emperor and Stoic, Marcus Aurelius:
"The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way."
Thank you for reading, and I hope this helps! Good luck on your journey.
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